How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
