remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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