Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Randomize
