If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
