boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
