If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize