remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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