So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
