I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
