Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
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Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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