yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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