Just fell off a train. Bad.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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