Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
