we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize