she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
