it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
