So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
