This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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