very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize