Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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