ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
why is half of my head shaved?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
