Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
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