Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize