He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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