I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
