You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
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New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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