I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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