whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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