I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Two words: blizzard sex
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
