I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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