im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
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I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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