I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
