apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
