farters have to be the big spoon...
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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