my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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