That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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