The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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