Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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