We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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