his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
