It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
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