my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
