I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
