The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
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Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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