census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
