I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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