When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
