I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
