When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
