ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
