My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
