my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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