Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
tequila makes me forget i have legs
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
