am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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