I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
i've created a new STD.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
